Wisdom teeth out = the worst thing ever.

Put me on the 15 day DL, who knows, maybe I'll be day to day, but this sucks.

Dear Creative Writing,

I'm not going to be in class for the rest of the year, I don't think. Tuesday I have to leave early, Wednesday I have to get my wisdom teeth out, and Thursday and Friday are recovery days. I'll probably see like 2 of you in my exams (English and Math), but I really really really hope that you don't stop using your blog.

I will keep up with all of your blogs, and try to stay in touch with you all as much as I can, because I think this was the best class/assignment/idea in a long time. Well, I'll miss you all, except Ashley, she's a loser. Just kidding, you too, kid.

Goodbye.

I could talk forever...

If you gave me golden lungs.

You'll Never Know, You'll Truly Never Know...

Gotcha.

Mmkay SO!

Enter daily faux-meaningful stream of consciousness poem by Rene:

Let's be candid and put our hands in
Face down with blind eyes, drawn to call bluff
With all our bets in place...
Winner take all, loser goes home empty handed, heavy hearted.
This is the best way to end this argument
For once and for always.

Let's talk circles around each other,
And avoid what we've been wanting to say.
I know I have something just dying to get out
But I can't say it to your face so I'll hide it in a blog.
Let's not address one another like anything had ever happened
And pretend all's gonna be fine.
I know that you've got something that you're dying to tell me
But you won't say it so I'll just be snide.

We've waged a war between friends
Between beliefs and bad decisions,
Could a couple inches of attention
Really kill this four year alliance?

If it can, then I'm sorry.

Sorry for the lack of posts tonight, I couldn't use "cuz" or "baby" (WHICH I STILL DIDN'T THINK WAS A GREAT IDEA, I JUST NEEDED AN ARTICLE FOR DIRECTION!)...

But for serious, I have to do a french final and prepare all this crazy outline stuff for an english test tomorrow, and then after school then I have to prepare my poetry presentation.

I have more work in the last week of senior year than I have had through all four years of high school.

What the **** is that?!

Frequency

Maybe I'm over-exaggerating fiction to realists
Who wouldn't buy a word I'd ever try to sell them, but
You - you on the other hand,
Could sell a blind man books to read
Because you tell him that's how it's meant to be.
You have that unintrigued awe that buries castles into sand
Throwing instruments of thought about like confetti at the gallows, and...

Baby, I have underestimated the weight of your decisions
Cuz it's breaking down walls in this cell
These windows are shattered and sharp to the touch now
Cuz you've just gone and broken the trust from the ground.
It's shaking and splitting directly beneath us
And I'm not sure if I wanna stay with safety or you.

I was 5 years old again today.

So basically, today was a retrospective day in the life of Rene.

I hung out with my friends Carlos, Mike Poulin and Devin Kapko and we went to Seekonk Speedway, Wendy's and Devin's house.

It consisted of: Racing go-karts (it's spelled with a K there), bumper cars, and bumper boats (WITH SQUIRTGUNS ATTACHED!), then Wendy's, where all we got were Frostee's, because we couldn't find an ice cream place, and then Devin's house to watch mXc and play video games and music.

I felt so young. And it actually felt good.

He got a hold of that one!

Going




Going




Going

Gone.

So I decided to swing for the fences, be the hero, play the part.
But I took my eyes off the prize and turned my backs to best friends.
I shot a glance back towards home to see if anyone was looking back... but they weren't.
So I trudged on, alone, but that wasn't the bad part. The worst part was being incapable.
I couldn't do anything, I hadn't finished school, I had nothing to prove, I had no one to risk the fighting chance. I was nothing, seriously this time.
I let the pressure get to me. I thought I played it well, but it knew that I had faltered.
Is it sad that an abstract emotion seems to know how to get to me better than myself?
It knew how to hit me where it counted, but I couldn't tell you where that is on me.
Actually... that's a lie. It's my overwhelming obsession with disbelief.
I don't believe in anything, especially myself, so I guess that... it just believed in me enough to take me down... God, or... actually I don't believe in God, so... Oh, how I wish someone believed in me; I could take the fall and have someone to help me up, not a feeling to throw me into isolation, only to write out what I need to in order to overcome my failure.

I can't believe that I don't know how to.

... Anything Else?

My knees are weak and shaking
In anticipation for the unraveling fact
That I have no reason to believe in anything anymore.
Not saying that I won't, but I don't have you down my throat-
To force ideas into my lungs so I can breathe only as much as you want me to.
With your permission, I'd just like to be myself,
And form a reputation of my own, based on my own ideas,
My own mistakes, and... yea... my own mistakes...
That'd be nice.

To be able to do wrong once in a while.

I've got potential and I'd like to know how to use it.
"Come on, kid, use your gifts."

I'll get there, eventually.

Stardom.

So it happened...

We set our hearts on self-destruct
In times of desperation, deliberation fails me.
I've thought too hard and long for this
Serious business ruins bliss;
And that's what this is, isn't it?

So it's over cuz one of us
Forgot about his fuse.
He imploded potential and sent us on our way.

_____________________________________________________________________

*SCREAMS*

Well, there goes that one...

This is a long one... split in 4's?

As I'm sitting here thinking about the correlation between music and religion, I can only think of the number of bands that I listen to that are driven by a religion. Bands like Underoath, The Rocket Summer, MxPx, Blessed By A Broken Heart, Relient K, and then bands that I don't listen to... Switchfoot, Creed, etc.

There's plenty of religious influence in music, whether it's meant to be a major factor in songwriting or not. In a Northstar song, the singer says "This Jezebel is bleeding from a place that can never be repaired."

Jezebel is in the Bible, but Northstar is far from a religious band.

Now I know that religious music is totally different than music that has been influenced by religion. I can think of plenty of bands that use words that usually are connected with religion such as Faith, songs involving someone to Save, Redemption, Forgiveness, basically every theme of the religious texts.

I, myself, have written songs about faith (which I seem to lack recently). But by no means to I mean to portray the same effect as religion. Religion gives hope to those who need it (my definition) and music just gives people something to think about concerning their lives.

I've been changed by music. Religion has never directly changed my life. I have never gotten the feeling of resolution from religion, but music could cure cancer in my body. I swear.

___________________________________________________________________

Cut to the core
Where it's brutal as all hell.
But see me on the surface
Where I'm hopeless and still.

I lie. I do.
Couldn't deny it if you asked me.
And if I told you what you wanted to hear,
It'd be a lie, wouldn't it?
Cuz I could never be altruistic.
I'm so self-conscious... aren't I?
You tell me.
You tell me.

I just wanna give myself away,
Cuz it'd be so easy, I'd be so easy.
Just take this paper-drawn version
Of my heart and we can lie to eachother.
Like we meant it.
As if we meant it.

You tell me...

You tell me.
___________________________________________________________________

I think I'm bipolar. I moodswing way too much and there's no in between. Optimism... 4 seconds later, "The life I lead is pointless." And then it stays like that forever. Maybe that's manic depressive? I don't know, I'm a ****ing mess though.
___________________________________________________________________

You've got that look in your eyes.
I've got that feeling in my stomach.
That says any second now I'm the victim, you're the victor.
I'm the hunted, you're the hunter
And I'm losing ground steadily.

They say there's safety in numbers,
But I panic in a crowd,
And if it's really so encouraging
Why do I feel so singled out?
I guess they questions keep on coming
With the flooding of the blood
To hit my brain just like a brick wall
But it always feels so accomplishing.

You've got that skip in your step
That says you're playing games with me.
You're running circles, and I'm dizzy
But I can't turn my back, and you know it.

They say if I believe it I can do it
Well what's there to believe in
When you're trapped inside a corner
In a room you've never been in.
The questions keep on coming,
With the ever dying fear
Of how will I move on,
Cuz I know I won't make it that far.

They call me the Father,
The son, and the holey human spirit,
Of an idea once believed in
But now I've got nowhere to go.

Remember that commercial...

With the kids walking down a hallway, and it was all dark and sketchy and they were screaming "FAG!," "QUEER!," "HOMO!!" and stuff, and it was about how some kid got killed because he was gay and kids were douchebags?

Well, that was brief, and it was effective. The problem with overusing brevity is that it needs to be short enough to get the point across with nothing else and still have time to make you remember something. Scaring the **** out of you is one good way to do this.

Name another, you know you can.

Hmph.

I'm gonna write a song right now, watch the process, cuz if I don't like a line, I'm gonna find a way to ... leave it but let you know it's not in there? We'll see what happens, I don't know.

Legend of Rene's songs:
( ) = backing vocals, not main singer, but another person, less focused on
[ ] = vocals by both singers at the same time
: : = music notes.
Italicized = I don't like it.

The things I'd do
Or should I say wouldn't do...
To be the perfect me,
The one I've written about so many times before
I don't even know
I guess I'll wait and see what happens
Cuz if it comes down to it, I'd die to be

Everything you wanted (everything you wanted)
So you'd consider me
Considering you've never even [thought about it]
Could we just pretend (could we just pretend)
It's worth my time to try
My time is coming, [I can feel it inside]

And now I'm dreaming again
I've lost reality, so I'm left to defend
These thoughts of you and I
To get me by, these nights that never seem to end.
They tell me I can be...
(Just tell me I could be...)

[Everything...]

:breakdown: or :solo:

I swear...
I swear...
I swear...
I swear I could be...
I could be... I COULD BE

Everything you wanted (everything you wanted)
So you'd consider me
Considering you've never even [thought about it]
Could we just pretend (could we just pretend)
It's worth my time to try
My time is coming, [I can feel it inside]

___________________________________________________________________

okay, time to redo it:

The things I'd do
To be the perfect me,
The one I've written about so many times
I don't even know
I guess I'll wait and see
Cuz if it comes down to it, I'd die to be

Everything you wanted (everything you wanted)
So you'd consider me
Considering you've never even [thought about it]
Could we just pretend (could we just pretend)
It's worth my time to try
My time is coming, [I can feel it]

And now I'm losing touch again
With reality, so I'm left to defend
These thoughts of you and I
To get me by, these nights that never seem to end.
They tell me I can be...
(Just tell me I could be...)

[Everything...]

:breakdown: or :solo:

I swear...
I swear...
I swear...
I swear I could be...
I could be... I COULD BE

Everything you wanted (everything you wanted)
So you'd consider me
Considering you've never even [thought about it]
Could we just pretend (could we just pretend)
It's worth my time to try
My time is coming, [I can feel it]

NOTES: I drank an energy drink before the 3rd stanza, so it's kinda rushed, and I really really really got wired and now I can't even think about something for more than like 2 seconds, and I don't like this song at all, it's wicked cliché and I don't know, something about it bothers me...

Maybe it's cuz it's about someone I totally messed up with, I don't really know... I quit.

Imagine...

This is a haiku
Brought forward by imagery.
Isn't it pleasing?

Maybe it's not so,
But I still think it could be,
I'm ripping off Steve.

Goodnight, goodnight, class.
I think I'm going to bed.
So I can sleep well.

FWAH!

I've got words but they're stuck in my throat...

I've got some reason but no reason to show it...

I've got ideas that'll never be more than abstract...

I've got a mind and I don't know how to use it.

I've got a heart to tell me what I want to do.

I've got a brain to tell me not to listen to my heart.

I've got a dream that'll never leave my sleep.

I've got a life but I don't know why I do.